Are you in a romantic relationship with someone? Would you say things are well, or you’re experiencing some difficult times? Let me say this before you respond; perfect relationships do not exist, and I hope you know that. So there will always be both healthy and unhealthy relationships existing side by side.
But how you and your spouse manage the relationship will determine whether or not it is a negative or a positive one. For example, suppose you are in a relationship that isn’t working out for you; you may need to consider the following factors as possible reasons for such a troubled relationship to know the proper steps to resolve the issues.
Lack Of Relationship Currency
No relationship can survive without its currency; everyone involved in a relationship should regard communication as one of its top priorities. The absence of communication can make a romantic relationship awful because it prevents you and your partner from clearly understanding what is happening and why a particular problem is occurring.
Apart from this, it also causes more conflicts since you do not know the precise desire or expectation of the other person in the relationship; it becomes more complicating to maintain a mutual connection. Hence, keeping quiet when a problem arises in a relationship will not do you any good; instead, it will aggravate the situation. Therefore, communicating your feelings to each other is crucial at such times. However, if both of you remain quiet, expect your relationship to go from bad to worse.
Questionable Habit
Cheating and dishonesty are two words that are often associated with each other. For example, if a person is unfaithful, he is dishonest in many ways.
Lots of breakups in recent times are due to infidelity. So, finding out that your partner is unfaithful to you can lead to severe conflict. Your initial reaction will be so outrageous that you cannot listen to reasons anymore. Because the infidelity will remind you of some of the dishonest answers your partner gave you in the past when you asked about questionable habits you observed.
Your once happy and romantic relationship has turned sour because one crucial element is lacking: trust.
However, infidelity, grave, though, does not mean the relationship should break up. The wise thing to do here is to find out why your spouse is unfaithful. Then let an experienced counselor talk things over with the couple. If the culprit is humble and acknowledges the fault, give such another chance.
Superiority Complex
One other primary factor why a romantic relationship could turn sour is pride. Disagreements and minor conflicts are part of every relationship, so you should not be devastated if you and your partner engage and go through these from time to time. There is nothing wrong with having arguments because you can voice your views and opinions about an issue. In fact, it is evidence of a healthy relationship because it shows no one is suffering in silence. Only that it should be done with love and maturity lest it aggravates violence.
However, a petty fight can turn complex if the couples allow pride to ensue instead of humility and acknowledge the mistake. Pride will never do you any good if you are in a relationship.
Some people think their pride would fetch them honor in the sight of their spouse and other people. Let me tell you the truth. Pride has never given anyone honor but dishonor. Ask Mr lucifer; I mean satan, the devil. Pride brought him down from heaven to hell. Hence, your fall is imminent if you’re prideful in your relationship or elsewhere.
Learn to ask for forgiveness if you make a mistake or give way if you know your spouse is making a better suggestion for you and the relationship.
Deprivation
No marriage can survive without sex because it is marriage’s central purpose. You can do other things in marriage with any other person apart from sex. However, you can only have sex with your spouse. Therefore, when you deprive your spouse or make sex the secondary part of marriage, there is bound to be a problem, and your marriage will soon go bad. Hence, see sex as a central part of your marriage to prevent it from falling apart.
5 Red Flags
In his discipleship class with me in early 2021, Rev Dr. M. O. Sowale mentioned five red flags of a toxic relationship. I agree with him, and I will mention them here.
a. HIDING: When you notice you or your partner are hiding things in a relationship, it is a red flag that needs to be checked.
b. FEAR: Fear is the second red flag. Adam said, “I heard your voice, and I was afraid – Gen. 3:10.” So watch out for fear; it signifies the relationship has turned sour.
c. SHAME: Adam said, “I was afraid because I was naked Gen . 3:10.” Shame sets in; shame and low self-esteem are the third red flag.
d. Guilt: He was hiding because he was feeling guilty. It is a result of unfaithfulness and secrecy.
e. BLAME: the fifth red flag is ”Blame”. When a partner blames the other person in a relationship for the wrong he or she did, it is a red flag showing you do not take responsibility for your actions (or inactions)
These are some of the factors contributing to a relationship turning toxic. However, suppose you notice that all these factors are responsible for your unhealthy relationship. Then, you will be wise enough to begin taking positive steps toward resolving the issues.
Steps To Solution
The first step I will recommend for resolving the conflict in your relationship is to pray about it before taking any step. I believe God is still in the business of guiding anyone who acknowledges Him Prov 3:6
Second, seek godly counsel. Talk to more experienced individuals, especially a god-fearing pastor or mature professional counselor.
Third, call your spouse and talk things over. If you can’t do that, let a mature person or professional invite you both for reconciliation.
Finally, if the relationship isn’t marriage, do the following:
- Reassess it to know if it has fulfilled its purpose.
- Redefine it if it has not yet fulfilled its purpose. Then take the action recommended above.
- End the relationship if it has fulfilled its purpose.
Not all relationships are to be kept. So it would help if you terminate some to save your head. For example, if a relationship with a coworker will lead you to infidelity, then it is high time you end the relationship.
Ending a relationship in this context does not means fighting but simply blocking all means of communication or contact to avoid the problem. I will be writing more elaborately on how to resolve conflict relationships soon. Peace.
Thanks for reading, and God bless you.
Consider reading the second sequel.
For more insight on relationships, read my other articles on this site:
11 Signs Showing The Health Of Your Relationship
Tips That Make A Relationship Works
