I said love is blind in a meeting some time ago. But someone interrupted me and said love is no longer blind but has its eyes wide open!
I smiled and said if the eyes of love are wide open, then we should have little to no marriage breakup or divorce in our societies. In other words, true love is always blind. But if the eyes of love are wide open, then the love is fake! I know there is more to this claim, but the truth is that if you love someone genuinely, you do not concern yourself much about his/her faults at the beginning of the relationship.
According to wf-lawyers.com on divorce statistics, Researchers estimate that almost 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation, 41% of all first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.
Please read to the end to know why I cited the statistics above.
You wonder why two sweet lovers who hardly leave each other during courtship/dating and at the outset of their marriage end up in divorce. There are many reasons for this but the fact is that they are blind to what lies ahead. However, below are some of the causes.
Consider reading the first Sequel.
Unmet Expectation
Everyone has expectations when preparing for marriage, but unfortunately, based on my few years of experience as a counselor, most expectations are not immediately met in marriage. As a result, most marriages end in divorce because what is expected is not being met.
Therefore, you’re set for great disappointment if you expect too much from your spouse. Yoruba calls marraige “Oja okunkun.” That is, a “Covered Product.” In other words, you do not know what is in the box until you begin to open it. The funny thing about marriage is that you do not discover everything at once; it unfolds itself bit by bit. That’s why marriage is called an institution. You keep learning, and you never graduate from it.
So, are you considering ending your relationships or marriage because of unmet expectations? Let me tell you the truth! The solution is not to divorce because you don’t know what you’ll meet in your next relationship. Instead, start working towards realizing those expectations.
Negligence
Marriage is likened to a home in the Bible, and it takes dedication and the willingness to put in effort for a relationship to withstand the test of time and remain romantic. So the earlier you start building your marriage, the better it will be for you. But irresponsibility destroys a relationship faster than any other bad habit; hence a typical relationship calls for a sense of responsibility.
I said earlier that we all have expectations before setting out for our marriage, and many marriages end in divorce because expectations are not met.
But we do not realize that fulfilling those expectations is not automatic. Instead, we need to work towards realizing them, which is why taking ownership of your marriage is crucial if you want to see your expectations coming to reality and fulfill your purpose.
Deprivation
No marriage can survive without sex because it is indispensable to marriage survival and success. You can do other things in marriage with any other person apart from sex. But you can only have sex with your spouse.
Therefore, when you deprive your spouse or make sex the secondary part of marriage, there is bound to be a problem, and your marriage will soon go bad. Hence, see sex as a central part of your marriage to prevent it from falling apart.
Protection of Interest
One of the aims of marriage is to protect, and in a healthy relationship or marriage, partners seek to protect the interest of the other. Therefore, the act will promote true love and selflessness. You do this by knowing and understanding your spouse’s value, vision, and priority and protecting it from being impaired.
Call for dialogue if there is anything you do not understand in the vision or priority of your spouse. Avoid focusing on and judging your spouse based on their weak point. Instead, create an avenue for improvement.
Your presence is useless if your spouse is 100% perfect or capable. But you are significant because your spouse is imperfect. Therefore, you are a helper to each other.
However, in a relationship where partners do not concern themselves about each others’ interests or one is not concerned about the welfare of the other, such union will eventually hit the rock if the couple concerned does not make the necessary amendment.
Not Vulnerable
Vulnerability means openness, sincerity, and readiness to take a risk. Trust is one central characteristic of a healthy relationship or marriage. And to enhance trust, vulnerability is inevitable.
In other words, vulnerability encourages trust, which leads to a sense of security because the fact that you understand the good and bad sides of your partner makes you feel secure. But there will be no trust when a relationship has no vulnerability. The lack will then breed suspicion and insecurity.
I once heard from an aged woman that suspicion is an evil weapon. Therefore, the primary way to get rid of suspicion in any relationship is to embrace vulnerability. So before your romantic relationship dies, start fostering vulnerability today.
I will be writing some pieces on vulnerability in relationships soon.
Accumulated Conflicts
Disagreement, misunderstanding, fights (I do not mean physical combat), and conflicts are inevitable in a typical relationship. The reason is that two people with different backgrounds, values, likes, and dislikes decided to come together.
So frictions are inevitable, and that’s not the primary problem because we all know there is no perfect relationship, and none of us is an angel. But the problem is if things causing issues in a given relationship accumulate and are not being resolved on time, the relationship will soon go down the drain, no matter how romantic.
The question is, do you make time to discuss the issue before it becomes compounded and accumulated? Your answer to the questions determines if the relationship will fail or not.
Unfortunately, there are marriages with a bunch of issues to resolve. But the couples concerned are just patching things up and enduring their partner instead of making time to discuss and resolve their conflict.
Conclusion
The statistics above show that divorce is not always the solution when your marriage faces challenges because every relationship goes through the test of time. Therefore, weigh your marriage in light of the abovementioned factors and take necessary action to save your marriage.
However, I will recommend divorce if the conflict revolves around periodical abuse. Peace.
Thanks for reading, and God bless you.
